Imagine, if you will, that I am confused. A horribly impossible thought for you I'm sure.

I haven't been swimming in months. Actually, I think that, other than hot tubbing (which I don't count as swimming any more than I do a shower) the last time I was swimming was on the summer sailing trip. That's not that important really. What I'm getting at is that it feels a little like I'm swimming through life right now, and not in the happy perfect world sort of way.

It all started where many things in life start. The end. The completion of a year of my life with a girl I loved very much, and had enjoyed a great deal of time with, both virtually and physically. Now this post is not a complaint about this either, there's enough of that out there. Even on this blog.

What I'm very laboriously getting at is that I've lost my direction following that incident. Yes, I'm still chasing the theatre dream, and that's not going anywhere, but there is more to life than just school and future careers. I'm really concerned about my relationships with others right now, there's been too much sudden change, and I don't think all is well.

The crappy part about being in school is that no one else is. That's a lie I suppose, but it's like, the people who aren't there are the ones I think about and miss the most. I've drifted from two of the three closest people in my life, and I don't know how I can fix that. I'm doing my best to work step by step to recover from that, but I don't know where to start. I try to make the time, I really do. Everyone knows how insane my schedule is, I'm honest to goodness booking in December right now, it's that nuts. However, the inner nucleus of my orbital friend sphere should know that they get top booking in that calendar; nearly any appointment can be moved...

Tech has been interesting. I'm back in the "like-them-but-not-sure-what-they're-thinking" mode yet again, and it's so exhausting! Figures I'd be the organized one, and assign numbers derived from how long I've liked them for... Number one, well, I'm just waiting on a status report. Number two, you're looking to be the best bet so far, but you're switching diversities back and forth worse than the Sennheiser during Witness! (Techie joke, translated means: giving different impressions back and forth all the time). If only I had the balls to just ask you and get this whole thing just sorted out. Number three, well, I think you're just being friendly. Besides, you already have a boyfriend.

And then number zero (? not liking that notation), I wish that had gone a whole lot better, now I just feel awkward for saying anything. Yeaaaahhhh.... (wtf?)

Wow, anger Graham, let's tone it down

I wish there was some way I could tell people the truth about who I am, and yet the arguments for and against are nowhere near finished battling it out. More discussion on this in certain other forums later. Not that you know what that means (except you, the exception to the rule).

I suppose I could continue blogging on the bb.com site, but I just seriously don't feel like it anymore. Night all