And since you're reading this, now would be an acceptable time to text me so I can attempt to explain that better... ;)

So I've been wary of saying anything at all about this because I know that it could be mis-construed so easily, or taken the wrong way, or cause a change, and I don't want any of that. But sometimes I think the best way I'm going to figure this out is to just write a huge long rant and see what happens. So let's see what happens.

Today marks the 60 day anniversary of not seeing each other. Yay me!

That's right folks, I'm in a relationship, and I haven't seen her in 60 whole days! Or 1440 Hours! Or 5 184 000 seconds!

To be perfectly honest, it's brutal. But totally not in the way you'd expect. But this is where we enter the Bermuda Triangle of me-trying-not-to-fuck-everything-up-by-saying-the-wrong-thing-on-my-blog.

The hardest part for me is seeing other couples. That's pretty much it.

I love that some of my closest friends have found someone, and I smile every time I see how happy they are. I feel like some sort of proud parent who is watching their kid grow up, and they've finally found something that makes them truly happy.

For the most part, I can contain it and life moves on as normal. Everything kept in check.

But now things have gone off the deep end a bit, and I'm losing my grip.

Grad was probably when it started. The combination of grad dates, hookups and make outs has driven me ever closer to that line of totally gone. I love seeing two really nice people dressed up and looking their best, walking around enjoying themselves and each other, and having a great time. Grad is a very significant time of our lives, and we're all going to remember it for the rest of our lives. The thing is, I'm a little miffed that I can't spend the 3rd most important day of my life with the person that I care about the most! (For the record, getting married and the grand opening of my theatre are tied for first place). I would have enjoyed the night that much more if I could have just cuddled by that fire pit with her rather than being the one who pours more shots and keeps the fire going.

And with it being spring and all, those other relationships just seem to come out of the woodwork like nobody's business. Not that I mind, heck, I'm probably the biggest closet romantic around. But for some reason seeing a couple making out on a bench, or kissing before going to class, or holding hands as they slowly walk down the sidewalk is just...difficult. I do my very best to just ignore it (as much as is acceptable), because I know that if I were in their position, I wouldn't want to have to stop. Frankly, I think it would bother me more if people stopped doing those things out of respect or compassion or whatever you want to call it, for me, than if they continued doing it. That probably makes no sense.

I just miss her, and seeing other people enjoying what I have but can't enjoy is murder some days. Like today.

I've pretty much planned out everything I want to say and do, but now I have to wait. If I can get my parents to let us drive, it'll be another 43 days. Can you imagine over 100 days without seeing the one you love? At least it's shorter than last time, a whole 230 days...

I don't know what else there is to say. Simply put, I'm tired, and that's making me angry at people being able to hold hands with their boyfriend/girlfriend. But I would also be just as mad, if not more so, if people stopped. Therefore the whole argument is moot and I just made you lose brain cells for no reason whatsoever. So that was stupid.