I think I realize why I don't blog during shows. I say things too quickly, and don't give them adequate thought.

Ever get that feeling where you know you've said something, but just aren't sure what the repercussions will be? I really don't know what to think anymore, just...



Life, leave me alone.

D:/My Documents/A letter.doc

I wrote a letter a few months back, and I only just found it again. I don't even remember writing it which is the weird part, it seems like something I might remember putting time and effort into.

What it's done is make life more complicated. Lately I've allowed myself to succumb to the bliss of ignorance, and I'm realizing what a mess it's causing. If only you knew.

I thought I had it all figured out, that all I had to do was wait and that when the time finally came, it would be perfect. But the thing about waiting for something to happen, is that time passes before it does. And when time passes, things change.

I feel like I'm looking at two polar opposites. So many different aspects to each scenario, and yet each with so many attractive qualities. Consequences too.

I find myself drifting back and forth, every minute thinking something different, questioning my previous decisions and trying to plan for the things that I have no idea will happen. I want a simple answer, I don't want to have to think about things, it shouldn't have to be multiple choice.

When I read that letter, it pulled me back to a place I had been for a long time, a letter that said in such a concrete manner exactly what I was feeling. There's no denying that it states exactly how I was feeling then, but what about now? I look at all those things I said, and wonder, is it still true?

I don't know where I should take things, and I constantly worry that I'm just going to screw it all up and end up right back where I started. I just want the simplicity of a child, to only have to worry if the tooth-fairy will come tonight, or if I mixed enough finger paints to finish my masterpiece.

I want this. I just hate the fog.
Damned fog...

I'm listening to my sister have a huge tantrum about something upstairs. No idea what it's about, but I have such an urge to go upstairs and scream at all of them to shut up so that I can have some peace. It's not like there's anything particularly bothering me right now, but it seems to be the culmination of a lot of little stresses finding their way into my head all at once.

Let's back up. Last night, I randomly decided that I wanted to watch The Notebook. Now, some guys might think "why the heck would he want to watch a movie like that?" Well, I just decided that I wanted to. I have the whole movie ripped from YouTube (too lazy to rent it), so at about 10:30, I started to watch. Sure, I still had 2 MSN conversations going, but it was really nice. Some great filmmaking right there.

I guess what gets me is that even though it was so beautiful and amazing, that it made my chest ache, and that every part of me screamed in frustration at the fickleness of love, my eyes remained dry for the whole movie. I know, I've complained about it before, but honestly, it gets to you. To not be able to freely express emotion like that really takes a toll, and I miss it so much right now.

The movie finished around 12:30, but the whole night, I just couldn't sleep. I was still awake at 2, and after that, it was still a restless sleep.

Today in general was dull. I helped set up what hopefully was a really amazing date for a friend, but other than that, I just sat at home in front of my computer. It's now 10:15, and my binder is where I put it Friday afternoon. I doubt it'll move until tomorrow morning when I put it in my backpack.

I talked to Julie, the yearbook editor, a little more today, and every time I do, it bothers me, because still, things just aren't looking good for my picture to get into the yearbook. Now, if the picture taken at the beginning of the year were any good, I'd be fine, but it sucks, like honestly. I look like a perverted, gay, grade 10. I don't want my last year to be immortalized by that....

Maybe I complain too much.

I gave some constructive criticism to a younger photographer through honesty box in the nicest way I could, and then he comes back and starts laughing at me, and assuming I know nothing about photography. It just bothers me, because I naturally want to help people, and then this comes back. Well, you be the judge.

I just have a few suggestions for you regarding your photography, take it or leave it.

One thing I've noticed is that you post a lot of photos. Personally, I quite enjoy looking at your work, but I worry at times that it be a little excessive. While it is an entirely personal choice, sometimes it might be better to pick just a few good ones, and only post those, instead of full albums from a single photo-walk.
Another thing is that you many times post only a single photo in an album, which personally, I think is a wee bit of a waste. Maybe you could try combining a few days, or similar themes?
And as much as I enjoy your photos, I don't think you need to advertise with your status quite so much. People who want to see your photos will take a look on their own time, and the people who don't might start to resent you for the continuous barrage of reminders. Post a link on your profile, and let word-of-mouth do the rest.
Haha, and last is just a personal suggestion, in PS if you haven't already, try playing with curves and photo filters (in CS3 it's Image > Adjustments). I randomly played with a few of your photos, and to my eye, I think it really helped bring out some of the character. For example, one of your more recent photos...
http://tinyurl.com/b8hue4

But yeah, sorry if that sounded harsh or something, not my intention at all. Good luck with the photography!

------

Lol.
I have over 5000 photos. I take over 200 each time I go out.

A good photography picks his top 50, then from the top 50 picks the top 25 or 30.
I post my top 25 usually in an album, and create single themed albums "Photo of the Day"

Ps: The way to edited my photo made it become WAY under exposed and WAY over contrasted.

If you don't like getting my updates, then simply turn them off. It's quite simple, go into the Facebook users settings, notification controls and chose to not get updates from selected user (eg. myself)

------

Hey now, no need to get defensive. I've taken 13466 to date, and that's in a year and 2 months. Average number of shots per shooting day is around 130, maxing out at 600 on a really good day. I'm no stranger to lots of shots, I just weed out all but the VERY best, which is how I choose to do it, and everyone can do what they like. Just personal preference.

Contrast is a relative choice, I like my photos with more, you like yours with less. Just thought I'd show you another method. Actually, check out
http://www.phillprice.com/ . He has a style somewhat similar to your own.

Oh and don't worry, I don't mind updates, and I have more than enough understanding of how to operate Facebook.


And might I add, in response to your most recent status update, I did not say I didn't want updates from you (I turned them off months ago). I use CS3, you use whatever you want to. As for using PS in general, well, let's just say I do have a few years background in it.

(Status and Comments)
Lol. If you don't like getting updates about albums I post on Facebook, go into the Facebook settings, notification control and chose not to get updates from me.
-"Well said."
-"Lol...somebody messaged me and stated I should stop putting so many Photoshop on Facebook and that he doesn't like getting updates so frequently...Then stated I should use CS3. (I prob. know more about CS3 than the person does)

They even took the liberty of editing my photo into this:
http://tinyurl.com/b8hue4

Underexposed, over-contrasted -.-

I laughed.

It's so simple to not receive updates about photos. Just choose not to receive album updates from a selected user (eg. me)"

I just find it so insulting that someone would say such things when they have no idea who they're talking to. I mean, if you want to have people spread the word about your photography, at least be nice to people, right?

That's my rant for the evening. Maybe I should go to bed sooner rather than later today...

Readers

So I was literally just about to go to bed, when my nose suddenly tickled, and a small red drop fell from its tip and landed on my desk. For the second time today, a nosebleed.

Yeah, I'm writing this all with one hand, since I don't want to just sit around doing nothing for the next 18 minutes.

make that 17

I've had a few people ask me sort of timidly if it's alright that they read my blog. Honestly, I'm more than happy to have you as a reader. Having an audience of any size is so much better than having none at all.

11:11, anyone want to guess what I wished for?

(besides this nosebleed stopping...)

It's nice when someone acknowledges the effort that goes into a blog such as this, either through conversation or a comment. To know that someone actually takes the time (or is bored enough) to read what I have to say, it means a lot.

Now, if you have a blog if your own, and only if you want me to, I'd love to read it. Hearing about the lives of my friends is really great.

another 10 minutes, ugh

Yeah, so really, I love having people read my blog, and being able to talk about it too.

(Of course, one of you should remember that I did ask you to stop reading my blog when you asked me to not read yours, and I would ask that you respect that...you know who you are)

Schedule

I have found the most amazing way to trap myself. Time.

Currently, my dilemma is this; I have agreed to go to Llyodminster (5 hours driving distance from Calgary for those who don't know) from the 19th to the 22nd of February (Thursday to Sunday). I will be setting up and programming/designing for a small play called "Hockey Dad", one I've worked on before, and feel a sort of responsibility to. Plus, the building being used apparently only has moving lights, so I'm really the only one on the team who would know how to program them.

Other side of the coin.

Found out today that I have a band festival first thing in the morning on Sunday, February 22nd. My parents feel that I have a commitment to the band, and I highly doubt they would permit me missing something as big as a band festival (haven't asked, but not sure if I want t0).

So, something has to bend.

If I were to ask my dad to drive up Saturday, see the show, then drive me back, that is a horrible amount of driving. 10 hours? Ouch.
One way ticket on the greyhound? With student discount, comes to just under 100 bucks.
I've already been quite clear with Jamie, the director/actor in "Hockey Dad" that I would be available, and I really don't want to bail on him if I can manage it. Honestly, if I could, I would just tell Ms. Wishloff to deal without me, seeing as she already thinks I'm only good enough to play second horn anyways, and enjoy doing some tech, and being paid to do so. This tech is what's going to pay for me being able to go to Vancouver. Without it, I can't go, simple as that. I'm not willing to wait another few months, I'm going to go.

So really, I guess I have two choices.

1 - Screw band and take the mark deduction that'll go with it. It hurts, but hey, tech is my future, music isn't.

2 - Figure out some way to get from Lloydminster to Calgary by 8:30 Sunday morning.

Yeah, that's my predicament in terms of not having enough time.




Other than that, talk about a hectic semester. I had no idea I would miss having a spare so much, already I feel like there's more to do that I'll ever get done. I've got a massive headache right now from trying to learn social on my own (14.5 mintues she's been gone, and only 2 days? Gah), and I still have to study for a safety quiz in chem tomorrow.

L, I haven't really heard much about your condition, besides what you apparently have. I really hope you're doing alright, if it is imm. deff., then hopefully you'll be able to take visitors soon. Heck, you wouldn't be reading my blog anyways, so this won't mean much. Meh. Remind me to give you all my chem notes when you get back, I'll do my best to help walk you through what you've missed. Get better soon :)

You know, I don't even know if you read my blog or not. I have visitor tracking, and I've had a lot of visits from Vancouver, but I guess you've never said either way. I guess since you're reading this though, you do, so problem solved! I wish I could take the time to reply tonight, but with this headache and my chem still to do, I guess it'll have to wait until tomorrow. Maybe I'll take a bit of time to myself during rehearsal or something. ~45 days :)
Do you still find this at all surreal? That somehow we beat the odds and have made this work for who knows how long, and that in a few short weeks, we'll see each other again? It just makes me so happy to think about it, that I could be so lucky as to have met you...

Hope everyone is feeling well, and I look forward to talking to all of you very soon.