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If I've said something, please say so. I can't bear to see you like this again.

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Blogging in a thunderstorm

Maybe not the safest thing...

.: 3 :.

Playing with light in my newly blacked-out bedroom. Just a little blue LED and a long shutter speed. If you look closely enough, you can see me!

<3

Re-read

I'm just a post fanatic tonight...

So, I was re-reading a few blogs tonight, going way back a few months to see what has changed, and where we've all been. Honestly, it's quite amazing. I highly recommend it.

Why I chose the difficult route full of drama and confusion, love and anger, I'll never know. I'm often finding myself wishing I had just been happy with what I had, rather than attempting to get more out of it. But that's the problem isn't it? It's so easy to criticize the mistakes of your past than it is to avoid them in the first place. If I were given the choice though, I really don't know which one I would go with.
To never have had to deal with all the pain and frustration I've been living with for the past few weeks would be great. I mean, I can't go a day without thinking about it. I've written pages and pages of letters, poems, and songs, all trying to soothe myself in some way, to make it all better. And maybe it has, because now I'm starting to feel better about things, to see hope. It's a whole lot better than the dark pit I was in just a few days ago...
But then, what if I had never experienced the great joy that I did? To lose the greatest experience of my life just because it didn't end up lasting as long as I wanted it to? I still cry (yes, cry) when I read my descriptions of our times together that I wrote down, of our conversations, and when I think about all the wonderful times we had. So even if that segment is over, I'm not about to let the theatre shut down. The movie is still playing, and I'm not going to let it stop easily. It was the single greatest time of my life, and I really hope you know that. No one else has ever done that for me. Can I say thank you again?

To all my friends. It is because of you that I am who I am. You shape me, mold me, and teach me. I think I can safely say that without you all, I wouldn't be writing in this blog, taking my pictures, or walking this earth. There are times when the path becomes so dark that I can't navigate on my own. So to have my friends there beside me, walking along with me...that is the greatest thing I could ever ask for. To have a shoulder to cry on, a person to rant to, someone to text when needed, people to explore with; I couldn't ask for anything more. Thank you for being my foundation.

.: Consider the following :.

I felt like changing my blog name up a bit. I'll probably make a few more changes tonight/this morning before I sign out, many of which you won't even notice...

Just for information sake

Here's my little PSA:

When I ask "and yours?" as a return of your question as to how my day was, or "and what's new with you?" or something of the sort, it's not that I'm just being polite by returning the question as is expected now-a-days, but I actually want to know how your days have been, what's new with you, and how things are going. Maybe I don't always ask it out of the blue, but it doesn't mean that I don't care... I really do.

That is all :)

.: 2 :.

So I went and visited a friend at work the other day at around 7:30, and the light was just right on the way home. Sure, I got a few strange looks for pulling off the path, setting down my bike, and wipping out my camera, but you have to admit, it's not a bad picture :)

I have nothing to write about

but I'm going to make a post anyways. Maybe I'll come up with something by the end of it...

It's quite hot today, that's obvious. My web-weather-bar thing says that it's 24, and it's 11 at night... so today was a pretty hot day.

I am currently listening to iTunes on shuffle, currently "Take a chance on me" by ABBA, but from Mamma Mia actually. Don't ask.

Earlier today I was playing Monopoly with Alex over MSN, and that was so much more fun than it sounds. All the audits, formulas, spreadsheets, rule-book reading...quite entertaining. Very fast paced too!

At this present time, I have an application (SnagIt8) capturing a picture of my screen every 30 seconds and saving them automatically, so that by the time I sign off for the night, I will have a few hundred pictures showing what I did for the few hours I had it running. And I plan to do it all day tomorrow as well (though I won't be online as much). It's actually quite interesting, as you can see some photoshop work in progress, MSN conversations, and my random Facebook creeping. But more on that later...

Now I'm listening to (have to check actually) "All of Me" by Louis Armstrong. And I'm going to skip it, because it's a little out of my mood right now. Harry Nilson? Nope. Skip. Oh yay, "Overture to Mary Poppins"....
Skip.
Ah.
Here's a good one.
"Shadow of your smile"

Tony Bennett & Juanes

The shadow of your smile
When you are gone.
Colour all my dreams
And light the dawn.
Look into my eyes my love and see
Oh the lovely things you are to me.
Our wistfull little star
Was far too high.
Teardrop kissed your lips
And so did I
Now when I remember spring
Oh the joy that love can bring
I will be remembering
The shadow of your smile.

(Instrumental Break)

(Latin... not even going to try...)


Ah, good song, even if I can't understand half the words...

4 stars in iTunes.


Speaking of stars, but not really.
I'm hoping to do some fireworks photography at the grandstand show. What I'll likely do is stick around until the end of the grandstand (I can stand on the tarmac for free as an usher), and then just snap as many photos as I possibly can of the fireworks.

And now, a quick few tips for photographing fireworks.

Right after I read those two e-mails..

(And now a song from Finding Nemo...not really that great.)

Oh, time to switch over to YouTube, brb

(And now "The Snowman" from that crazy weird christmas animation movie)

("Walking in the Air from The Snowman")

Ok, that was a random movie...

Getting kicked off computer now.

Have a great night :)

.: 1 :.

I'm thinking of doing something of a "photo-a-day" sort of thing, where I post a single picture (or more...) on my blog every day. These would obviously be taken by me, and I would try to include something with it, such as a description of how it came to be, or how it relates to my life, or how it's a metaphor of some kind. So this is number 1.

This is a shot of some club soda being poured into a glass. I was really thirsty for something bubbly, so I grabbed a glass, club soda, and Grenadine (look it up), and went down to my studio (aka, bedroom). Then I proceeded to pour the club soda into the glass, taking pictures the entire time. I think I ended up with about 100 by the end of it (I also have some of the Grenadine, see below).

And that is how this image came to be. I could make some connection to the glass being half full/empty, but I think that cliche has been used enough, so go get a drink and enjoy the great weather!

Excellent News Photography

Link

I highly recommend you just take a few minutes to take a look at this slideshow.

As for a personal response to it, at the end of the news section is the most captivating image of all to me. Here is a transcript of what the photographer said:

He deployed to Afghanistan, and to Iraq. Twice each, in the last three years. And they planned on marrying as soon as he'd finished his four years of service. But one February day, Jimmy, was killed by an IED, a roadside bomb, and, and her life of course was changed forever.

-John Moore

I cannot imagine. You have these amazing intentions of getting married to the person you love, they've been away for so long, you miss them more than could ever be said. One day soon they will come home to you. You want to spend the rest of your life with this person. You can't imagine anything else in your life. And all it takes, is one thing to go wrong. And it's gone. That woman will spend the rest of her life grieving for her lost fiance. She's not the only one. How many mothers and wives are faced with the unimaginable pain? The life-altering anguish? There are no words that could ever describe what that must feel like.

So why do we continue to fight in wars? Can people just not see what it does? Do they no longer care?

Love is something that so many people seem to take for granted. I read in the newspaper about how a man was suing his ex-wife because she posted a monologue on YouTube telling about how she was divorced, etc. How did that happen? I would assume that when you get married to them, you love them, right?

I don't see many people getting married just for the sake of it...there's something there called love (or should be...)

That's just what I've never understood. Is there an expiry date on love?

Sorry for rambling, I'll conclude now.

I look at that final picture, and hear those words from the photographer. "Her life was forever changed.

Crazy

I can't believe how often I underestimate the observational powers of our parents/elders. This is twice now that I haven't even known it was visible, and yet someone will ask me about it.

How can people know that I'm upset about something...when I'm not even thinking about it? When it hasn't crossed my mind for the entire day? When I'm really happy about something else?

I just never know...

Hate it

It sucks when thoughts of such a great thing are suddenly spoiled by a negative thought.

We were just talking about your amazing plans for a tour, and then what do I suddenly consider? I wonder if you'll still be going out by then.

See why I hate it?

(And you will. You'd better...)

Ripples

There is the initial incident; something major, big, life-altering.

From that point on, you must ride out the waves resulting from the impact.

One minute you're up, everything is fine, you're having a great time, and things are normal.

Then you hit the low spot, and it's like the world just dropped out from under your feet.

Eventually the waves will subside, and you will go back to the calm of normal life.

The problems can arise when the impact splashes some of the water out of your life.

And the water level gets lower.

As the level goes down, so do the emotions.

It takes a long time for it to be filled back up.

SHUT UP

I need to constantly remind myself to do this. Otherwise I start running a stupid dialogue in my head. And the thoughts aren't healthy anymore...

It's the little things

that make every day so wonderful. You won't know that you've said it, done it, or been it.

But it's there.

Notebook

I was originally going to scan in the pages of my notebook that I wrote this blog entry in, but I'm having some problems with my photo editor/workflow, so I'm not going to do that right now. Eventually though. So ignore the parts about messy writing...





11:20

Time for another blog entry from the field. I am sitting inside the dalhousie train station, waiting for everyone to arrive so we can go (hopefully) to the zoo.
It's been raining on and off, sometimes really pouring, other times not so much. I look at the pedestrian bridge, watching all the people cross, seeing 3 of my friends (make that 4, I just saw Mark with them).

Now I'm sitting on the train, rapidly moving towards the zoo station. Let's catalogue the conversations as they happen.

• Music
• Rock Band
• More Music
• Tunnel! (Hold your breath)
• Earbuds don't stay in
• Animals at the zoo
• Fiero (from Wicked, on YouTube)
• Internet connection

How many couples are there in my field of vision? Well, those that are expressing/showing it anyways...



ok... 2

Not bad, and I'm sure there are more people who are, and just aren't with their partner.

There goes a couple getting off at sunnyside station, probably going for a date in Kensington.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing so much, but maybe I've just failed to notice what's around me.

[Insert copper subway comic here]

[]

There are times when I feel like people are so anti-social. Here we have a train full of people I don't know, and yet no one talks, no friendly conversations with strangers are initiated. Why is it that everyone is so afraid of each other that they can't talk a little bit? I was in McDonalds yesterday, and a random lady started talking to me in line. I guess I was uncomfortable with it because I had no idea who she was, but really, you would get used to it, wouldn't you?

I apologise for the messy writing, I'm not standing up on a moving train, so it's not as easy to write nicely.

The time is now 12:17, and I am downtown on a Westbound C-train.
Fun! ....ish? Meh....

Getting close to the zoo now I think, so I'm going to trade my notebook for my camera and document it that way.

TTYL




Big, dark sunglasses are helpful for a few things; namely keeping your retinas from burning, and masking facial emotion.
Same for keeping a camera in front of your face.



And so now I'm sitting in an empty train at Dalhousie station, waiting to be taken home. My hands are aching...in more ways than one. It's been a great day, I won't lie about that. Sure, there were parts I didn't enjoy, but a great day overall. Thank you all.




Design Basics index
Jim krause
$27.50

The moment it clicks
Joe McNally
$59.99




Thesis
Significance of character response to varied behaviors and/or beliefs of others.




Is "controlled variable" an oxymoron?




~~~~~~~~~~~~

Compare People

One of the most popular applications on Facebook, also determined to tell me exactly what a few people think of me in a very blunt way...

Your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:

STRENGTHS:

most studious
best father (potential)
best catch

WEAKNESSES:

most entertaining
best to hang out with for a day

Ok, lets have a look at each one...

Most studious
Well, I do spend a fair bit of time in a studio taking pictures, but studying? I think not. I hardly studied at all for my final chem exam, and I know I did really poorly on it. Mainly because I didn't study.

Best Father (potential)
Um, so people have rated my fertility then? Odd...
This one I could sort of see, besides the fact that I don't know who the "best mother (potential)" would be, something I want to figure out before I get too far along that road...

Best Catch
In sports, I fail. I can run, but I'm out of shape (not for much longer though). I've played a few fun games of football, and hey, I can dodge people running after me and score a touchdown from time to time. But honestly, catching any sort of ball is not my forte.
On the other hand, could best catch refer to dating? That one I'm not so sure about either...

Weak in Most Entertaining
Awe, I guess my jokes aren't funny enough :(
Honestly though? Yeah, I'm probably not as entertaining as some people. I'm not quite so...'random'.

Weak in Best to hang out with for a day
Well, maybe that's because no one ever hangs out with me for a whole day, or at least not very often. Don't forget though, I'm the kind of person who knows where they're going, memorizes routes, carries a GPS, camera, map, etc, etc. So without me, you might just get lost...


Meh. I really could care less about what a few of my random facebook friends have clicked.

Today is the beginning of something new...

...particularly my boredom.

I look at my calendar, and what do I see? Lots of people doing all kinds of things, and me, hardly doing anything at all. I have one full week with absolutely nothing planned. I really don't know what I'm going to do with my life for a few weeks...

I'll probably take some pictures, maybe a bit of geocaching, a whole lot of bike riding and walking, and hopefully I'll be able to co-ordinate with people in order to hang out for a few hours here and there.

Number one

Always forgive yourself.

Forecast

Record lows today in the emotion department, followed by periods of stress and annoyance later in the evening. Expect to see some mental turbulence for the rest of the week, followed by some clear skies following the passing of the Chem Exam.

Harsh

I'm sorry, to quite a few people. I haven't been as kind with my words as I should have been.

M, I don't know what's bugging you, but if you want to talk about it, please do. If it has anything to do with what I wrote in my blog a few days ago, please don't let it bother you anymore. It was rude, and even if I might have been feeling that way at the time, it was exaggerated, and I couldn't look at it from another point of view. So whatever it is, I really hope it improves soon. I miss talking to you...

V, I guess I was pretty blunt yesterday. Admittedly, your texting really was bothering me, and I appreciate you stopping, but I know I could have said it in a better way I think. Sorry about that.

To everyone else in general (but don't think I'm not thinking about you, those are just two cases that are really preying on my mind), I'm sorry if I say things that are rude, stupid, mean, or whatever. Lately my head has been a bit messed up, and I can't think as clearly as I want to. If I do say something hurtful, at least let me know about it, and then I'll do whatever I can to keep it from happening again.

Top 10

In order, these are my top ten most played/highest rated/most recently played songs in iTunes:

(Song name, Album, Artist)

1. Let it Be -- Across The Universe -- Carol Woods & Timothy T. Mitchum
   
2. Lighted Up -- Gabriel Mann -- Gabriel Mann
   
3. Underwater March -- Pirates Of The Caribbean - The Curse Of The Black Pearl -- Klaus Badelt
   
4. Life Less Ordinary -- Indian Summer -- Carbon Leaf
5. Forrest Gump Suite -- Forrest Gump Soundtrack -- Alan Silvestri
6. Resurrection -- Passion of the Christ -- John Debney
7. Here I Go -- SWC Theatre Recordings 2008 -- Adam Schlinker and Aedan Tomney
8. Written in the Stars -- Elton John Greatest Hits 1970-2002 -- Elton John & LeAnn Rimes
9. Circle of Life -- Elton John Greatest Hits 1970-2002 -- Elton John
10. Rogue Wave -- The Perfect Storm -- James Horner
    

'Tis summer now

You know it's summer when you enjoy being outside, when it's light out till 10, when you get a sunburn for the first time, when you swat at mosquitoes, and when you see lemonade stands set up.

You know it's summer when people start relaxing, when school is out, when the exams are over, when people have free time, when people travel, when you get a summer job.

You know it's summer when your outlook on life is a whole lot better, when you're not depressed, when life is good.

(Or Who?)

What would you die for?

Midnight Postings...

Removed for inaccuracy

Don't get trapped

It's pretty easy to fall into the trap of thinking that your parents don't understand what it's like to be a teenager, or that they are being stupidly concerned about things, or are too boring to allow you to enjoy yourself. I'm realizing that assumptions like that are totally wrong.

I was talking to my dad yesterday, and he was telling me tidbits about his life when he was my age. No, not the 'you kids have it so great these days...' stories, but just about some of his friendships. What was really interesting was all the parallels I could draw to my life directly. He had a group of three friends that he would spend a lot of time with (A, S, M), one of them was his best friend, and they were best men for each other (A). His best friend was going out with one of the two girls (A & S). It was as if he was more or less describing my life with different names...

That's why I'm looking at things with a totally different perspective now. It's not like our parents didn't go through this sort of thing years ago, they had to live their lives too. When they get all concerned and say that they don't want us to do things, there are reasons they say so. Maybe sometimes they aren't seeing the entire picture, maybe they have presumptions that cannot be overcome, but they still have reasons for doing the things that they do.

On that note, can I please go to the party?



:P

Written in the stars

Song of the week:

Written in the stars
Performed by Elton John and LeAnn Rimes

Recording: http://media-convert.com/convert/?xid=16-sqhjiglj

I find it much more enjoyable to read along with the music, rather than just read the lyrics, so I have made a copy available.

----------------------------------------

I am here to tell you we can never meet again
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell
The someone you once loved so long ago so well

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

You know you're bored when...

...you plan on how you are going to organize XLR cables by length

...you start designing a poster for a play taking place next year

...you say the randomest things ever. Like pineapple

...your spelling is atroshish

...you read Aesoph's Fables, and find great meaning in them

...you randomly start work on a project for a course that you will take next year...maybe

...you write in your blog

...you decided to sew the holes in your pants, but couldn't find a needle

...you force the thread through the cloth with your MIND

...you are a pencil

...statements like the one above make total sense

...you feel compelled to completely reorganize your "My Documents" folder, deleting 20GB of data in the process (on purpose)

...you make blog entries like this

Mmmmm...cake :)

Some really awesome chocolate something cake I had in a little cafe in Kensington. Don't remember the name, but doesn't it look great?!?!

Creepy connections

I just made a connection between the past and present. I found it to be quite intriguing.

(MSN conversation)
I know the feeling, trust me, if people knew certain things about me, they would look at me totally different, therefore I keep them to myself
yep
it takes A LOT for me to completely open up to someone. Something far beyond trust
There must be a word for that
must be, I'm just not sure what

A few weeks ago on Facebook, I wrote a little poem. What was it titled? “The word is love”.

Pardon the lyrics

I typically don't like to post lyrics, because without the music, they often don't make much sense to anyone but the people who have heard the song. I think it's a little different in this case though;

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can't you see
You're everything I hoped for
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful to me

The best of times

 

It was amazing. That's all I can say. To my three greatest friends, thank you for making yesterday so enjoyable. I will remember it forever, I have no doubt in that.