All I ask of you

RAOUL
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
my words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you...

Let me be your shelter
let me be your light
You're safe, No one will find you
your fears are far behind you...

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night
and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me...

Brain Dump

I've just got so much on my mind right now, writing a straightforward blog post isn't going to be easy.

First off, I'm just really preoccupied with trying to diagnose with my limited knowledge of psychology WHAT IS GOING ON. I talk to you on a daily basis, and I swear, it's the same pattern every day. At the start of the day, you're fun to be around, you laugh, and life seems good. Then by the time we're both on MSN, you're just so pissed off at everything, and it's like I'm talking to a different person. Sure, it could medically be a vitamin deficiency or a chemical imbalance, but when you say "but really... i just don't, care in a way", I want to just slap you or something to get you to wake up and see how stupid you're being. But it doesn't work. Why do I try? Why do I care? You should know, you know everything about me.

Then I'm constantly worrying that I'm giving people the wrong impression. I don't want anyone to think that the things I say or do are an attempt to 'flirt' or to make you like me as more than a friend. If something I say comes across that way, it's not. I'm trying to be the best friend that I can be, nothing more.

For those that are wondering, yes, I do like someone, but none of you have met her. I miss her so much. It's been 88 days since I last saw her in person, and I would seriously do anything for one more day. I wish I weren't so pessimistic about love, because I am constantly thinking about how it will never work out. She lives in BC, looking at a career in marine biology or veterinary medicine, and is going to study at UBC. I'm going to go to Mount Royal for two years to pursue theatre production. Is it truly worth it? We've had 20 days together, and they're fading so fast. Once I get a job, my wages will go towards paying off next summer's sailing trip, and a flight to Victoria... *sigh*

And then there's a question of who likes ME... Girls, you are confusing. Very confusing. How am I supposed to know if someone likes me if they don't say anything? I could be ignoring so many signs and not even realize it.

Tech has always been something of a stress release for me. Any time that I'm in the theatre, it's like the rest of the world disappears, and I can create any world that I choose. But now all of a sudden I have so much going on in my life that it's spilling over and tainting things. I love tech, and I always will. People tell me that tech is what stresses me out, and I am really getting tired of hearing that. Anyone who says they're worried about how stressed I am by tech doesn't understand a very basic part of me. Tech is my life, and it is not a cause of stress.

Listen to me, ranting away. Though it feels like a lot more than it probably is, especially since this last bit has been written on my iPod.

Parties always add a new dimension to my life too. I try and tell people (and don't take offence to this next paragraph, this is generic ranting) that I'm really not into parties, butthat doesn't seem to dissuade them much. I think the main reason I got to parties nowadays is for pictures and so that I don't look like the odd one out or moredostant from the group in question. My parents have never been too big on the idea of me attending parties, probably heavily biased by their own experiences. Personally, I think the parties I go to are pretty tame overall. I highly doubt that a Halloween party with 11 attendees (according to FB) is going to escalate to one of those parties with 500 people plus police... Maybe one of the biggest things that keeps me away from parties now is the alcohol factor. Personally, I have no desire whatsoever to drink. Eventually I'm sure I'll take up social drinking of some sort, but just hearing people go on and on about so-and-so being crazy drunk is disgusting, stupid, and immature. I've sampled wine, I don't mind a few sips of white wine at times, but you will never see me drunk. It's just not going to happen. Chances are, I'll be a DD for life. But I also don't want to see my friends drunk. Or maybe I've just been sheltered my whole life, and all I need to do on Friday is get flat out hammered. Because my parents will let me go to tons of parties after that...

Bleagh

11:11 - I wish I could see you again. I wish I could give you one more hug.

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It us the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

- William Shakespeare

--------

In terms of true love, there are no problems too great to overcome.
It cannot be called love if it changes when the loved changes, or ends
in death.
Love is constant and unchanging.
Love sees challenges and is not afraid.
Love is infinite.
Love does not waver with time, even when beauty is affected by time.
Love is everlasting, and will last until the very end of time.
And if all that I have said can be proven wrong,
Then no one has ever been in love.

.: iPod :.

What did I do?

You know, I really don't care what you say about guys being difficult to understand. Even if we are, girls are still extremely difficult to make sense of.

Yes, I know that over this past week I've been so busy that I have spent a lot less than adequate time with my friends, but is that something I should be punished for? It's my life, and I'm trying to make the most of it that I can. So forgive me if I haven't had all the time I'd like to. But that doesn't resolve the question of what's wrong. I don't know if I should ask you of everything is alright, or if I should just give you space. How the hell am I to know if you're just having a bad week or are genuinely mad at me? All this week I've been getting mixed signals, and I'm having an awful time trying to figure out if I'm reading you right or not. Are you angry or tired? What is it that I've done to get this reaction from you? I'm trying my best, but we all know that even my best leaves a LOT to be desired... So please, have I done something wrong? And what can I do to fix it? I don't want this to happen.

I miss you. Where have you gone? Where have I gone?

sorry

if, by some stupid chance a blog post starting with "a week ago, my life changed.", please ignore it. Don't read it. It's not a happy post, and it has a good chance of hurting some people. And to the person who already read it, I'm so sorry. I can't understand why you still put up with me after I put you through so much crap... Thanks.

Bleagh

I absolutely hate migraines. They always seem to come at the worst possible times, and leave me totally drained of energy.

Plus anytime I get one, I get an overly jingle-ified version of "This little light of mine..." stuck in my head from an old Advil commercial, and it drives me NUTS!

I need to finish all this psych homework in little less than half an hour, go and set up for a play for who knows how many hours, and then come home and sleep for a few before getting up again. Now I desperately need some caffeine...

(Did you know that you can sing the last paragraph to the tune of "This little light"? I think I might be going crazy...)

I need to finish all this psych homework,
In little less than half an hour,
Go and set up for a play,
For who knows how many hours,
Then come home and sleep for a few,
Before getting up again,
Now I des-perately need some caffeine...

(Save me from this pit of insanity starbucks...)

Reflections .:. snoitcelfeR

Something has been bugging me a lot lately. More and more, I’m noticing that I have an unconscious tendency to exaggerate. Sensationalism if you will. There is something in me that is constantly thirsting for attention, and it has found a somewhat effective way of achieving that through exaggeration and sensationalism.

Take for example my claim to get blinding headaches when I used 3D glasses for less than a minute in Futureshop one day. Why the heck I said that, I couldn’t tell you. Because I don’t get bad headaches. Yes, my head hurts a little more than normal, and yes I can’t make out a clear image at all through 3D glasses, but I don’t get major headaches or lose some of my ability to walk. I feel so stupid now that I realize that I did that, but more and more I’m realizing that I do it all the time.

Just today as I was leaving Dalhousie, I think I might have done something similar. Problem is, I don’t know if I did. Was something in my subconscious attempting to illicit a reaction from those around me? Did I somehow enter a state where my actions were all in an attempt to achieve something I didn’t know I wanted? Was ‘that look’ the result of an unconscious desire to be noticed through the use of sympathy and concern of onlookers? If it is, I’m really upset all of a sudden…



In other news…

Profile pictures on Facebook. Probably one of the most defining pieces of information you can post to your profile. To me, a profile picture says so much more than anything else.

One of the things I like to do when I’m bored is look at people’s profile picture albums. Why the albums specifically? Because you can see 20 of them all at once. And in that view, a subtle thing sometimes comes out. I believe that if a person uses profile pictures that they like (because it matches their mood) for a long time, a record of their emotions in general will result. Specifically, I look for changes between darker pictures and brighter ones. There are some people that have a whole bunch of dark ones, where their faces are almost all in shadow, and then another bunch later on full of smiles and sunshine. The most interesting thing, however, is when you correlate those emotional snapshots to the people, activities, and circumstances taking place in their lives. For example, one girl may have been single for several months, and was subconsciously upset about that. Then she meets a really amazing guy and couldn’t be happier. Her dark pictures give way to brighter ones, and her emotions are mapped in that way.

Or perhaps a guy is in a transitional period, where he isn’t quite sure who he is or who he wants to be anymore. At the beginning, his pictures might be snapshots of a younger self, seemingly carefree and smiling more often than not. As time goes by though, he may realize that in order to fit into the sub-culture of his choice, he must adopt something of a ‘emo’ look, utilizing harsh lighting and editing techniques. This transition is shown through his profile pictures, giving us a very revealing glance into the life of someone we may hardly know.

The only thing we must be wary of, however, is that you cannot rely completely on lighting and facial expressions. There are some people who prefer being seen in shadow, or will only pick pictures taken at rare emotional highs. But I think that in general, profile pictures can be quite revealing.

In looking at my own profile picture album, I can see trends in my own life, too slow to notice otherwise. My first profile pictures were very solitary and almost thoughtful. However, I choose to ignore the first few pictures, as they are often extraneous to the analysis. Looking at the newer ones though, I think a lot can be observed. The bottom five (oldest) are generally brightly lit, twice featuring my camera (as it was new at the time).
The next 6 show a change though. I see a lot of black, a lot of shadow, and not a single smile. What was going on in my life at that point? What caused this low emotional base?
From there, 7 photos that do not actually show any part of my physical self. That in itself can be very revealing. Is it because I am uncomfortable with what I look like? Do I feel less than photogenic? I think that is actually exactly the case. More often than not, any pictures of me I find to be highly unflattering. Only those that I have complete control over actually please me. In general, I am highly camera-shy, and combat that by taking the power away from people by taking pictures of them instead. What I need to do is somehow find a way to look at myself and be happy with what looks back.

Really, if you want a picture of me, take it when I don’t know you are. Candid shots are always the best of anyone in my opinion.

Hmm, that was very self-reflective…

.: 15 :.

Been a while since I've uploaded one of these...

Ok

So I feel so cliche writing this now, but it's the truth, and I haven't thought about it more than now.

You're my best friend, my "BFF", and no one can understand me more than you do.

I have never felt emotions as raw as this in my life. When you first told me, I didn't believe you. Maybe the mind does it automatically, to cushion the blow. Surely this is some joke; someone stole his phone and decided to mess with my head. Or a dream, so realistic and with a ridiculous plot twist. And yet the evidence stacks up.

How long have you known? How many hints have I totally ignored? Why?

3 phone calls, 24 texts, 1 dying battery. (Priceless...).

The eerie silence of the parking lot as I arrive. No sound at all. Just footfalls.

I sat in your room for half an hour apparently. I didn't notice actually. They say you can lose track of time, and I believe it now. Watching those numbers rise and fall...

That top one, the one in green. Heart rate. I've never been happier to see a number before in my life. Showing me that it's all going to be ok somehow.

Who knows if it'll go back to normal. What's normal anymore????

Driving home, it's like frames from a time lapse. 1 new message. I can't take this. Fuck. Walking home. Incoming call. A voice that sounds how I feel. Charge phone. Wait for news. Doesn't remind me. Typing. Blaming. Telling. Driving.
Silence. Park. Automatic doors. Line. Wait. Unsure smiles. Not sure what to say. Hallway. X-Ray. Sterile. 26. Wood. Shoes. Red light. You. Sit. What to say? Watch. 118. 21. 14. 98. Blood pressure. Heart rate. Butterflies. Paper. Joking. Look around. Sharps container. Princess. Beep. Alarm. Nurse. House. Cane. Shoes. Electrode. Why? Leave. What to say? Goodbye. Walk. Cold. Van. Warm. Shivering. Red light. Street light. Fire department. Home. Breathe.

There was a street light I saw when we were at a stop light. It wasn't on, but there were little blue flashes barely visible inside. Faster and faster, until it was a constant light. Trying so hard to do what it's supposed to - give light. I find myself wanting so much for that street light to shine. What potential.

I'm ranting, but I don't care. I need to write.

I still have that piece of paper. I have no idea why.

"Slow and sweetly, like never, before...." Stuck in my head all night for some reason.

I hope it doesn't bother you that I told L and M. I wasn't sure if it was my place, but I felt they deserved to know. If I was in their place, I would want to know no matter what. We all care about you so much. Never forget that. Please.

There's a song I found that I wanted to save for a special moment. A time when it would have an impact. I think now is as good as any time. I'm not a huge fan of it musically, but the lyrics definitely say what I have been trying to say for the longest time. And this isn't just for you A, it's also for all the rest of you who read this (and I do know who actually reads this, and this is directed at you).

Let me show you the way

I'm looking at you
Old friend of mine
It's no use pretending
That everything's fine

So don't be so brave
Don't be so proud
I want you to know that
I'm here for you now

I can see you hurting and it's hurting me
It doesn't have to be this way

Chorus:
If you'd let me hold you
Closer
Let me know you
Let me show you the way

(Cantor during chorus)
Somebody gonna hold you head up
Somebody gonna show you the light
Somebody gonna hold you head up
Somebody gonna see you right.

I'm feeling for you
Feeling so much
When this heart is big enough
For the both of us

I'll give you my love
If you give me your pain
I'll hold it inside of me
Til you're stronger again

Well I hate seeing you so far away
When not a word can say enough

CHORUS w/ cantor

I'll be your rock for this day
When I hear you calling out my name
Cause I know you'd only do the same for me

Somebody gonna hold your head up
Somebody gonna show you the light
Somebody gonna hold your head up
Somebody gonna see you right

I guess if there's anything I could say, it's just that I care about you, and I don't want to ever lose my best friend. Look back to "Tick time to tick time to...", Part 2 (A). Same goes for you, bucko.

Get well soon...

Shell-shocked

I don't even know what that means, but it sounds appropriate...

You know that feeling when you're having a dream, and in it you're walking down a street, when all of a sudden you trip or stumble or mis-step? And it jolts you awake all of a sudden, your heart is rushing, and half the time you can't even remember why? Like you just did a mini free-fall, and landed in your bed.

I think that about describes this moment.

Confusing

First of all, let me just say that my stance on the guys/girls issue is that girls are more difficult to understand. Here's why:

As a guy, it is only natural to have a better understanding of how guys think and act than that of a girl, because you live those same thoughts and actions in your daily life. That is my primary reason for saying that girls are more confusing; I'm not a girl, therefore I would have a harder time understanding them.

The 'languages' of emotions for guys and girls are drastically different. Guys can speak and understand that language, and have lived with it their entire life. They have also been surrounded by the language of girls for their entire lives, but they are far from fluent, and can easily get caught up in the nuances of the dialect. Because it is so different from the language that they speak, can you really blame guys for having trouble understanding girls?

There are many times when a guy is unsure of how to react to female emotions. To a guy, it seems ambiguous and vague. At best, it's a guessing match, trying to figure out if she's upset or just tired; interested or not. Methods of dealing with their emotions vary, and it's difficult to determine how best to approach the subject.

Also take into account the verbal paradoxes that are so very common in the female language. Most common is the "nothing is wrong" line. How do you deal with that? Well, here's the advice of someone who is fluent in the language:

"...but usually when a girl says nothing is wrong there usually is so give her time and just let her know you're there for her and she'll feel better about telling you what's wrong."

Ok, so she says nothing is wrong, but something actually IS wrong, so you should give her time so that she'll eventually reveal that something IS wrong so that you can address the problem of what was wrong in the first place! That's totally simple!

And how would you define giving a girl "time"? Does that mean you should just gently avoid the topic? Not bug her about it? If so, then how is she to know that you still care about her and the things she's going through? Yes, I can say I'm there for someone, but if I give it time by ignoring it, it doesn't really work, does it?

I think that in general, guys are like smarties. Or eggs. Pick your metaphor.

A hard outer shell, barren of emotions. A shield, armour, anything to protect what is inside, to disguise the vulnerable emotions inside.

You see, guys in today's culture are heavily conditioned to be 'tough'. It's an idea criticized by many groups, but you can't deny it. Guys today are expected to fit into the mold, and to project the standard image of toughness. Argue all you want, but that idea is totally prevalent in our culture today.

However, just because there is an image of being tough, that doesn't mean that the inside has gone totally solid as well. It is my opinion that inside each and every man, there is at least a tiny portion of them that has an intense desire to be loved. For some, they may have been wearing their shell for so long that they don't even realize that part of them still exists, but it does. And really, isn't that desire to be loved what drives us all?

.: Thankful 7 :.

For photography

.: Thankful 5 :.

For Love

.: Thankful 6 :.

For Jenna

.: Thankful 4 :.

For Smiles

.: Thankful 3 :.

For Cookies

.: Thankful 2 :.

For Nature

.: Thankful 1 :.

For Friends

Sleepy

I don't know why I'm doing this to myself right now. I mean, it's the (long) weekend, and I have nothing I really have to do right now. I'm practically falling asleep at the keyboard, and I really should just go to bed. But I really don't feel like it.

(Hmm, I just used the word "I" 8 times in that one paragraph...)

(Then again, this is my blog, so it doesn't matter how much I talk about myself, seeing as it is about ME...)

*falls asleep*

iPod 004

Sitting in psych class, waiting for the results from a unit final that
took about 25 minutes...
This is definitely boring. I just finished writing an introductory
paragraph for an eassy on this thing too, so now I just need to find a
moment to go print it off. Or, worst case scenario, I guess I could
just forward it to my teacher. We'll see though.

Can you believe it's October already? This year has gone by crazy
fast, I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed.

Sweet, 82% on the test. I love instant results like that. Nothing
worse than getting a mark for a test you took so long ago you don't
even remember taking it...nice that I didn't even study for the test
(I love common sense classes).

Anyways, we're about to watch "one flew over the cukoos nest" (sp?),
so I should probably put this away.

Sent from my iPod

Love and Marriage

http://www.jasminestarblog.com/

Looking at these pictures, I don't know, I guess I just have this intense desire to know what it is those people are feeling. I mean, what would it take to experience a joy as great as this?

Stargazing

You really got me to thinking about the stars... You make it sound so amazing!

*

Life is good. I'm finally seeing doors that I never knew existed.

*

I saw "Burn after reading" last night, and it was really good. But there's one thing that sticks out to me. The guy Ted (Richard Jenkins) is in love with Linda (Frances McDormand), but she doesn't realize it. So Linda is constantly hunting for love, and totally failing to see that Ted is trying so hard to tell her. It's probably the saddest thing I've ever seen. And then he goes and dies for her. That's one thing that I'm really overly paranoid about. I can't stand the idea of that happening to me, because I can't even imagine how much it would hurt. Then again...no. I know it hurts, and I don't want to ever do that to another person. I'm just so scared that I might do that to someone, and I never, ever want to.

*

I could probably rant about so many things right now. If I could somehow translate my falling-asleep thoughts into a text document, and transfer them over to the computer, it would be so amazing. Because there are so many things I have to say that just never get the airtime they deserve.

*

Maybe what I need right now is some free time. Time to just talk to a few people and let it out. To relax and not have to say anything at all. To feel totally at peace. To not have to be preoccupied with directing my thoughts. To not worry about what others will think of me. To not be concerned about worrying that people with think I have ulterior motives, when I really don't. To just close my eyes and not have to think. To open them again and see a smile.

*

I miss someone.
I want to hang out with someone.
I might like someone.
I'm happy when I'm around someone.
I laugh with someone.
I'm sort of jealous of someone I don't even know.
I want to talk to someone.
I want to hug someone.
I want to make someone happy.
I want to think about someone so much it hurts.
I want to see someone right now.
I want to "speak now" before I forever have to hold my peace.
I'm so glad to have someone as a friend.
I have so many regrets.
I wish I had made goodbye a little more special.
I can't wait for that next hello.

C-train

Riding the train babk from the photo expo, and there is the cutest kid sitting across from me. She's working the felt jacket with red scarf, and some pink earbuds running up to her head. Totally bobbing her head to whatever she's listening to. Total smile the whole ride. What a perfect image of childhood innocance. Maybe her mom is busy wondering how they're going to pay this month's rent, or where the next meal will come from, but that little girl is going to keep on smiling :)

CC

That's right, post number 200!!
It's been a long time coming, but we've finally made it. And there's a distince reason that I say 'we''. What would be the point of a blog with no readers? All it would be is silent HTML using up server space. So thank you to everyone who takes the time to read through what I write on the weird schedule that I keep. It's highly relaxing really, to be able to rant at an invisible audience.
In fact, right now I am sitting at the computer, but I'm not looking at the screen. In fact, my eyes are closed, and I'm writing this all just by feel. I guess it's probably a sign that I spend too much time on the computer when I can type at a really good speed without looking at the screen OR the keyboard. I'm kinda impressed with myself actually!
*sigh*
It's been fun. Life fluctuates between happiness and sadness, excitement and boredom. But it's good, I'm quite happy with where I am. I have some of the most amazing friends I could ever hope for, and they are always there to support me when I need it (and believe me, I've needed it a lot lately).
Sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do next , because there are just so many different choices. I could pursue education in technical theatre, or I could travel, or I could live the life of a bum on the streets. Who knows where I'll be in 5 years? Who knows where I'll be tomorrow? It's very difficult to pin down even what it is that you WANT, because in order to know that, you need to know everything about youself. And not many people know it all.

That sort of reminds me of something I was reading in a book a while ago (sorry, I'm practically asleep right now, I'm just blogging for the sake of writing something). We spend billions of dollars in research in space, trying to find out everything we could possibly want to know about this crazy big amount of nothingness that surrounds us. And that's fine. And yet, we don't even know some extremely basice things about the Earth! We don't have highly detailed maps of the terrain of the ocean bottom, we don't know a fraction of all the possible life forms populating our planet, heck, we don't even know exactly how the ground we're standing on is changing. We can look up, but sometimes, it's more difficult to lookd around and down at where we are.

Is this getting random yet? Probably. Meh, I'm not even going to proof-read this post. I really just want to sleep.

I was thinking today about writing some letters to a few people. More importantly, letters to be given to those people in the (hopefully) unlikely event that something happens to me. Because for some reason, it's easier to be sincere and write what you really feel when you know people can't respond, that they will read it with the full intensity that you wrote it with. Because really, if you got a ltetter from a friend of yours who just died, you're not going to brush it off and laugh, are you? No, it's going to be a treasured possetion that you will keep forever.

That and I want my box of keep-sakes burned. And I don't want anyone reading anything in there. I am the only one who understands the full reason behind the objects in that box, and I don't want anyone spoiling that. It's very private, andyeah. You wouldn't understand.

Enough of that, time for some sleep.

Thanks again for reading!

*kiss*

This is just one of those pictures that keeps drawing me back, over and over again. It's so amazingly composed, perfectly exposed, the framing is great, and the subjects seem perfectly comfortable being photographed. When the picture was captured, it all came together, and it lives on in those megapixels. Before we go any further, I must state that I have no claim to taking this photo. It was taken by the highly talented Kyle Hauser of OneLook Photography. One of those pictures that I can only dream of taking...

↑date

Where am I at right now?
My computer.
Life has been pretty interesting lately actually. I'm sure I could write a whole essay, but I'm just not up to it at all, and I've been lacking in the sleep department lately.

Now Playing: S Club Party
Sometimes you just need something upbeat. Nothing better than some pop!

Today:
Wake up at 6:45AM, keep on rolling over until 7:20AM.
Get up, shower, feed dog, grab an apple, pack backpack, depart at 7:50AM.
Drop off CD's at the library.
Backtrack to Starbucks.
Venti Vanilla Earl Grey Tea Misto.
Wi-fi for e-mails, weather, random online apps.
Grab free song card.
Arrive at the school.
Say good morning, drop stuff off in locker.
Head to theatre with M, watch Bohemian rehearsal.
Spare.
Tech for drama 20 scene.
Program Bohemian light show.
Bell rings.
Head to Psych.
Watch "Touching the Void".
Try to stay awake.
Lunch.
Meet M outside SS class.
Walk to cafeteria.
Spot A in business office.
Wait for him to come out.
Watch people eat their lunches.
Pore over Bohemian cue sheet.
Run to talk to Fraser.
Come back, seat taken.
Keep working.
Listen to the usual random chatter.
Accept offer for more Starbucks.
Head to English.
Listen to MORE presentations.
Struggle to 'evaluate' said presentations.
Bell rings (thankfully).
Find holders of Starbucks beverage.
Accept tasty caffeine.
Head to math.
Shaking starts.
Pretty pink string thing!
Laugh and giggle through double-nappe cone lecture.
Receive text from L.
Pretend to care about doing homework.
Leave math class.
Say goodbye to those leaving immediately.
Stick around, ready to leave for Starbucks.
Go to bathroom, download e-mails from Perfect Blend wi-fi.
Come out, shaking like crazy now.
Walk to Starbucks with M and B.
Order 6 drinks.
Ignore stares of other patrons.
Download free starbucks song.
Carry drinks back to theatre.
Deliver deliciousness.
Get money.
Go to booth.
Half-hearted prep for Bohemian.
Control Room speakers still not operational.
Mad rush to get Bohemian actors ready.
Laugh through Bohemian.
Hang around until all auditions finished.
Listen to directors barter for actors.
Head to Subway so M can get dinner.
More Perfect Blend wi-fi!
Nibble on cookies.
Play random iPod games.
Co-write blog post (see below).
Get called home for dinner.
Wait around for dad.
Arrive home.
Eat dinner.
Head to computer.
Investigate National Theatre School of Canada.
See that it's way out of my league.
Random computer surfing.
Try to understand the human mind.
Worry about depressed friend.
Play with flight simulator app for iPod.
Chat more.
Open up blogger.
Start this blog entry.
Write "Where am I at right now?"


"I've never had a dream come true, until the day that I found you."


Well, that's a day. A pretty good one in my opinion.

The only thing that's not so great isn't really to do with my life, except that it parallels mine in many, many ways.

I don't know what I can say to you, or what it is that's eating you up. All I want is for you to be happy again. You know that you can tell me anything, and that I never have and never will share it. It kills me to see you so depressed all the time, I want nothing more than for you to see through the clouds. Sometimes things don't go exactly how we want them to, but please, just look past that. It's going to happen, so find some way to work it to your advantage! Grade 12 is super crazy, and managing school as well as a social life and relationship isn't the easiest thing by any stretch of the imagination. But I know you have it in you. Please, bring back my best friend! I miss him...

subway

subway
A word
E
Cookie
Mamma Mia!
Oven
Shoelace
Lethbridge
Ford
Fail
:(
Happiness
:D
Lame
:P
Omg
Lol!
Lolrus flying a roflcopter
Crash landing
Ireland
Sailing!
Woot
Money
Gift
Lucky
Sure am
Job time
Blockbuster
Stampede
Rides
Pictures!
Party
Fire
Hot tub
Chlorine
Chocolate
Nom nom!
Confused
Lolcats
Caffeine
Dinner
Home
Msn!
Later
Tata

Sent from my iPod