Fine.

And I was just about to write a new one anyways. So here you go, a new post!

Really, I want to rant more than anything. Maybe not a long rant, but I'm just kind of bothered by band right now (alliteration!)

Today after school we picked up our band folders with most of the music we'll be playing this coming year, and more importantly, finding out what part we'll play (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc) and who the section leader is.

So basically, I go in, and lo and behold, I get section leader.

BUT!!

Gah.

I'm second horn. Every minute I think about it more, I get bothered by it even more. Why is some grade 11 taking first? BUGS ME SO MUCH.

I commit to two groups; the school band, and my church orchestra.

>>Side rant: My annoying band teachers have been invited to the orchestra concerts MANY TIMES, and have yet to come. I think they underestimate the quality of the music.

Anyways, two groups. I do a lot of practicing.

And get this!

Our orchestra performs on a very regular basis - sometimes every other week! So I perform in front of about 3000 people on a weekend. Doesn't even bother me anymore, I hardly realize I'm on stage. The thing is, we sometimes get music as we're walking on stage. And we play it. For practices, we will sight-read a piece once, and it already sounds crazy amazing. For many performances, our total rehearsal time on a single piece is about half an hour. Then we get on stage, all eyes are on us, and we do an amazing job. Every time.

So here I am, getting my music, and everything has figgin' SECOND PART on it. I could scream right now! I'm actually feeling really insulted by it!

Is it range? Does crazy asian girl have better range than me? ie, can she hit a high, high C? After 2 months of not playing? Can she play for 4 continuous hours over a weekend? With BRACES???

I want to do my audition over again. Take back all the horn music please. Make Lindsey girl wait her turn!!! Make us do a cold read of some music. Let us see the piece 10 seconds before they expect us to play it. Test our endurance. Take into account the fact that I hadn't CUT MY LIPS BACK INTO SHAPE.

Honestly, with braces, the only way to play is to practice HARD for a few hours, pushing to hit every high note, until you have blood coming out your mouth. The entire inside of your mouth burns with pain, and you can hardly feel your lips. AND THEN you let it heal a bit, but KEEP PRACTICING. Then you build up callouses on your lips, so that within a few weeks, you can play just as well as a person without.

Really, I'm just totally angry at the way this turned out. If it's because of the braces, give me a pair of pliers, and we'll see what they have to say then.

Otherwise, maybe I might just, you know....quit band? I've got orchestra, who needs Eviloff?

Wordle

http://wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/166235/.%3A_Consider_the_Following_%3A.

So I took all the text in my blog, put it all into one document (76 pages), and had Wordle pick the top 400 words and arrange them all pretty like. Interesting what words I use the most...

I'm.....

(Copied from Jasmine Star Photography Blog, click title for link)

I am sitting in the drama room
I want to get started on some shows!
I have a venti vanilla earl grey tea misto from Starbucks, but I only paid for a grande!
I keep a record of all the money come goes in and out of my bank account
I wish I could fly to Vancouver Island this weekend
I hate how short my spare is
I fear screwing up all the wonderful things I have right now
I hear grade 11's talking about their lives, music by Hans Zimmer from my iPod
I don't think I should have spent so much money this weekend
I regret not being more open about my emotions
I love being myself, being happy
I am not sure what path I should walk down at this point. I'm on the median....
I dance in my room, most often a nice solo waltz to a happy song
I sing more than ever before, and I don't care what people think about that
I never accept mediocrity
I rarely come to class late
I cry when I listen to a certain few songs, and think about how great my friends are
I am not always sure of myself
I hate that I'm so indecisive when it comes to relationships
I'm confused about what you're intentions are
I need some food, advice, money
I should do something productive on my spare one of these days...

Nostalgia

Yes, I should be working on homework rather than texting to my blog, but I just want to write...something. I found three old photographs of me as a kid from years ago. Amazing how we change, isn't it? "Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." Looking at these pictures, I have no emotional connection to that person. Even pictures just a few weeks old seem distant. I look in the mirror, and it's like I don't know who it is. And yet, I know who I want to be, and really, that's good enough for me. .:&:.

You've received a Message from a TELUS phone. For more information on TELUS Mobility's Picture or Video Messaging, visit telusmobility.com/snap. If you don't hear or see the file, download the Quick Time player.

Vous avez reçu un Message d'un téléphone TELUS. Pour obtenir plus d'information sur la messagerie photo ou vidéo de TELUS, allez à telusmobilite.com/clic. Si vous ne voyez ni n'entendez le fichier, veuillez télécharger QuickTime.

.: 13 :.

When cameras take self-portraits...

.: 12 :.

.: 11 :.

.: 10 :.

One is the loneliest number...

"Every Day"

Requiem for a Dream

Before I delve into the deep stuff, this one song is just one of my favorites lately. Many people consider it to be the epic song, and if you've heard it, you'll know why. Just a really nice piece of music, that's all.

However, there is something more to it.

Requiem for a Dream

A requiem is a mass written for the dead. A solemn chant for the repose of the dead. Something that resembles such a solemn chant. A musical composition in honor of the dead. Lot's of definitions.

But for a dream?

Yeah.

A beautiful and solemn chant written to honor a dream progressing towards death.

"I have a dream, A song to sing. To help me cope, with anything..."

You see, I like to make random connections to my life. I have a few dreams about where I want my life to go. I don't want this to be my song. And yet in only 20 hours that I've had it, I've listened to it non-stop. I can't stop.

Right now, I'm working really hard to write a letter that will drastically change the course of my life, and what I choose to do with the rest of it. Of course, it all depends on the answer, but if it's the answer that I seem to want, then who knows what my life is going to look like? Will I still be living in Calgary when I graduate? Or will I leave it all behind to chase this dream? If no, will I be able to revert back to my normal self? To pretend I never had those thoughts?

Do I want to spend all my savings for a few flights to BC? Or should I just block it out of my head and pretend it never happened, dreaming of the things that come easier?

This dream feels so good, so right, so wonderful. I take it with me every day, every minute. I cannot stop thinking about how I want to live that dream. Yet I can't shake the feeling that there's no sense wasting my time on something so stupid and difficult.


Requiem for my dreams.

*Play*