Reflections .:. snoitcelfeR

Something has been bugging me a lot lately. More and more, I’m noticing that I have an unconscious tendency to exaggerate. Sensationalism if you will. There is something in me that is constantly thirsting for attention, and it has found a somewhat effective way of achieving that through exaggeration and sensationalism.

Take for example my claim to get blinding headaches when I used 3D glasses for less than a minute in Futureshop one day. Why the heck I said that, I couldn’t tell you. Because I don’t get bad headaches. Yes, my head hurts a little more than normal, and yes I can’t make out a clear image at all through 3D glasses, but I don’t get major headaches or lose some of my ability to walk. I feel so stupid now that I realize that I did that, but more and more I’m realizing that I do it all the time.

Just today as I was leaving Dalhousie, I think I might have done something similar. Problem is, I don’t know if I did. Was something in my subconscious attempting to illicit a reaction from those around me? Did I somehow enter a state where my actions were all in an attempt to achieve something I didn’t know I wanted? Was ‘that look’ the result of an unconscious desire to be noticed through the use of sympathy and concern of onlookers? If it is, I’m really upset all of a sudden…



In other news…

Profile pictures on Facebook. Probably one of the most defining pieces of information you can post to your profile. To me, a profile picture says so much more than anything else.

One of the things I like to do when I’m bored is look at people’s profile picture albums. Why the albums specifically? Because you can see 20 of them all at once. And in that view, a subtle thing sometimes comes out. I believe that if a person uses profile pictures that they like (because it matches their mood) for a long time, a record of their emotions in general will result. Specifically, I look for changes between darker pictures and brighter ones. There are some people that have a whole bunch of dark ones, where their faces are almost all in shadow, and then another bunch later on full of smiles and sunshine. The most interesting thing, however, is when you correlate those emotional snapshots to the people, activities, and circumstances taking place in their lives. For example, one girl may have been single for several months, and was subconsciously upset about that. Then she meets a really amazing guy and couldn’t be happier. Her dark pictures give way to brighter ones, and her emotions are mapped in that way.

Or perhaps a guy is in a transitional period, where he isn’t quite sure who he is or who he wants to be anymore. At the beginning, his pictures might be snapshots of a younger self, seemingly carefree and smiling more often than not. As time goes by though, he may realize that in order to fit into the sub-culture of his choice, he must adopt something of a ‘emo’ look, utilizing harsh lighting and editing techniques. This transition is shown through his profile pictures, giving us a very revealing glance into the life of someone we may hardly know.

The only thing we must be wary of, however, is that you cannot rely completely on lighting and facial expressions. There are some people who prefer being seen in shadow, or will only pick pictures taken at rare emotional highs. But I think that in general, profile pictures can be quite revealing.

In looking at my own profile picture album, I can see trends in my own life, too slow to notice otherwise. My first profile pictures were very solitary and almost thoughtful. However, I choose to ignore the first few pictures, as they are often extraneous to the analysis. Looking at the newer ones though, I think a lot can be observed. The bottom five (oldest) are generally brightly lit, twice featuring my camera (as it was new at the time).
The next 6 show a change though. I see a lot of black, a lot of shadow, and not a single smile. What was going on in my life at that point? What caused this low emotional base?
From there, 7 photos that do not actually show any part of my physical self. That in itself can be very revealing. Is it because I am uncomfortable with what I look like? Do I feel less than photogenic? I think that is actually exactly the case. More often than not, any pictures of me I find to be highly unflattering. Only those that I have complete control over actually please me. In general, I am highly camera-shy, and combat that by taking the power away from people by taking pictures of them instead. What I need to do is somehow find a way to look at myself and be happy with what looks back.

Really, if you want a picture of me, take it when I don’t know you are. Candid shots are always the best of anyone in my opinion.

Hmm, that was very self-reflective…