Deja

I don't really think it could accurately be described at true "deja vu", because it never actually happened. And yet for some reason, today I suddenly found myself in a place that was somewhat familiar, and I was pulled back to a, well, very stressful moment in my life.

(To be 'clear', I mentally linked a number of various locations and words together at one moment in time, and experienced a very strange, near deja vu feeling.)

For obvious reasons (though only obvious to me, because I'm not going to give enough clues so that you know what I'm talking about), I can't mention names or occurrences, but I just feel like writing this out.

We were driving up a main road, and at one point there's a stop sign, and you can either go left or straight. To the left is a huge residential area, and ahead is just more road, with houses further up. None of that is important. What got me was that someone mentioned something (I'm calling it X for now, anything more and it would make sense), and it was like I got stuck inside a blender. You see, X had caused some pretty major problems for me and a number of other people a few months back, and so now any mention of X whatsoever just kills me.

I mean, maybe it's stupid, but I just can't shake it, even to this day. I know the time, the date, and every single word. I can recall every detail. And I really don't want to.

Mention X, and it's all I can think of. Why? Because X changed my life. Thankfully it didn't have as much effect as it could have, but it still changed me. I can hardly dare to imagine what would have happened if X had taken it's full effect.

Maybe I'm blowing this all out of proportion, but it scares me to this day. Seriously. You say you're going to sleep now, and mention X, and my head goes haywire. I have to calm myself down and just reply with a typical and pre-programmed answer just to keep it hidden away.

Gah, it's so stupid, but I can't seem to change it.

*sigh*

I'm scared of X, not because of what it did, but of what it could have done.

(And I'm fine talking to anyone about the 'true identity' of X in private, I just don't think this is the place for it.)


In fact I think it might actually be nice to talk about it.

Who knows anymore.

My god do I ever miss her...

And I have to agree...I really love that picture too