LDR

I don't know how many people know what that acronym means, I hadn't really known about it for most of my life. But even if you know what it means, do you know what it means? How many people have experienced it themselves?

It's a tricky thing to talk about I guess. Whenever I can, I've avoided it as much as possible in open conversation because it seems...different in a way. When you're in a relationship with someone close by, you can have them standing by you all the time, show them off, and just always have them nearby. But this is different. Maybe none of your friends have ever met them. Maybe you've only known them for a few weeks. The circumstances are infinitely varied.

I'm so happy for you, don't get me wrong. I mean really, welcome to the club.

She doesn't call it a 'relationship' yet, and I guess that's acceptable. We've only been in contact face-to-face for 19 days, and all of those were just while sailing mates, nothing more. From there we keep in touch through facebook, and eventually it's said flat out that we like each other. Simple, right?

Well then it hurts. A lot. Because instead of say, telling them one night, then waking up the next morning and seeing them in person, suddenly you're faced with a horrible period of time where you won't be able to see them, and there's no end to it in sight. Today is day number 156 of not being able to see her. Believe me, it's hard.

So we keep talking, and eventually we hatch a plan to visit each other again. Problem is though, time and money are both a little scarce at the moment. Where's the 300 dollars for a short flight going to come from? What about a taxi? And money for going out for dinner? It's nowhere near as 'simple' as most people have it. It needs to be carefully choreographed so that everything fits together perfectly.

Maybe when I get there it'll feel wrong. Because I haven't had the luxury of seeing her as special to me, maybe when I get there, it just won't work. Am I scared? Heck yes I am. Then again, I'm even more scared of it working. Because if it does, I'm still going to be going to Mount Royal for 2 years, and she's at UVic for 2 or 3, so it's not like it's going to get easier anytime soon. The distance is always going to be there.

I've read stories about other LDR's that have worked (quite helpful actually, really helped to calm some of my fears), and it always sounds like it's right out of a love story.

Maybe it is.

It's scary. It's hard. I'm not going to deny it. It takes a normal relationship and just loads on the extra weight. It can be hard to be trusting, and difficult to believe in yourself. Sometimes it feels like it would just be better to call it off and save your heart the agony.

And yet, every time I get a new e-mail in my inbox with that special label, every time I get a text with a special vibrate, every time I see that name on Facebook, I get a brief flash of happiness.

And when I look at her face before I fall asleep, I can't help but smile in my sleep.