I have 15 minutes

Let's see how fast I can do this one...

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
Well, I really don't like getting phone calls, because it kills my phone. But if it were a text message...then I guess I would want it to be someone special, even though I know there is very little chance they know my number.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Always, I hate dis-ordered carts

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Depends on the setting, but more often a listener

4. Do you take compliments well?
I try to minimize them I guess, but it depends on who they're from.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
No, I have other things to consume my time

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
What kind of wilderness? I'm pretty sure I could...

7. Do you like to ride horses?
Why not?

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Sure did, but I don't have many memories of it

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
Being a SPY!!!

12. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it? Can I say it depends? No, actually, I think I wouldn't.

14. Use three words to describe yourself?
Precise, Perfectionistic, Quiet

15. Do any songs make you cry?
There are a few that get close, but I can't think of them off the top of my head.
Wait, "Everyday", Rascal Flatts

16. Are you continuing your education?
Theatre Production!!! Woot!

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Theoretically, yes. Practically, no

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
At the moment, my tech binder, laptop, keepsake box and old teddy bear. Oh, and my starbucks of course!

19. How often do you read books?
Do manuals count?

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
All three almost equally, but probably the present mainly

21. What is your favorite children's book?
It's really been a long while, can't say I remember

22. What color are your eyes?
Blue (wow, I definitely had to think about that one..)

23. How tall are you?
No idea. Taller than Melissa, that's all that matters :P

24. Where is your dream house located?
Right above the booth

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Nope, but I think that should go on my to-do list

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
Never?

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Doctors office way out by COP

32. Do you like mustard?
A hint of mustard is ok, but not too much please

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep. I can eat during rehearsals, but I can't sleep

34. Do you look like your mom or your dad?
Probably more like my mom

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
8.5 minutes + 1.5 to dry off = 10 minutes total (and almost exactly too)

36. Can you do the splits?
No, but I can LIMBO!

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
Hmmm...Nothing comes to mind, I just wouldn't mind getting out and seeing a movie in general

39. What/who did you do for New Year's?
Same thing I've done for the past 10 years; hang out with two other awesome families, and have a wicked awesome time!

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
Sorry, never seen it

42. Do you own a camera phone?
It's a phone, with a camera...yes.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
I doubt it

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
R

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Currently 6 or 6.5, depending on what is going on in the morning

48. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
No

50. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope

51.Do you wear your seatbelt?
First thing I do when I get in a car

52. Where do you sleep?
In my super tiny bed

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
Well it's a big city, I'm sure stuff happens. We have a newspaper for a reason!

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
1. Pitiful, isn't it?

55. Is your tongue pierced?
Nope

56. Do you always read people's blogs?
If they permit me to, always

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Either or, but serious with a funny side is great

59. Ever been to L.A.?
Nope

60. Did you eat a cookie today?
Sure did!

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
I try to avoid them altogether...

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
Buy off of iTunes, rip from the library

63. Do you hate chocolate?
Heck no!

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
Lately my lifestyle (ie, eating, sleeping)

65. Are you a gullible person?
I hope not?

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
Not at all. But I think it would be a definite advantage in the happiness department

68. Are you easy to get along with?
I try to be

70. What is your favorite time of day?
3AM, when I'm totally awake, and everything is so completely silent. And it's snowing. And the street lights light up the entire house. I love that time of day/year

I've always felt like doing one of these...

81 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU READ THIS:

1, What color is your toothbrush?
Blue, white, silver

2, Name one person that made you smile today
Melissa when I poked her with a 1/4" to XLR converter :P

3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Programming lights for LPC, probably somewhere around LQ34

4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Writing e-mails to people involved in Musical Theatre shows

5, What is your favorite candy ?
Swedish Berries

6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope

7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
Hmm, I guess I didn't [have lunch today]

8, What is the best ice cream flavor?
Neopolitan

9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water (how boring is that?)

10, What is the longest you have gone without sleeping?
I'm thinking close to 20 hours.

11, Have you ever made a promise you'd die to keep?
Yes

12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Hahahahaha

13, The last sporting event you watched?
Wow, can't even remember...

14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Popcorn flavour...?

15, Who is the last person you sent a message to on facebook?
Group "MT Directors" and "Techies"

16, Ever go camping?
Yep, can't wait to go again

17, Do you take vitamins daily?
Nope, but probably should be.

18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
Indeed, sometimes even a few times a weekend!

19,Do you have a tan?
The booth does not really assist in tanning all that much

20, Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
Not usually, no

21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
I prefer not to

22, What did your last text message say?
"Thank you so much ill explain the reason tomorrow"

23, What are you doing tomorrow?
Oh god, you don't want the whole list...band, school, idol, school, rehearsal

24, Where is your dad?
Who knows? Haven't seen him in 2 days now

25, Look to your left, what do you see?
Starbucks! (Well, an empty Christmas Starbucks mug)

26, What color is your watch?
Invisible!

27,What do you think of when you hear Australia?
I see a face. Don't know whose

28, What is your birthstone?
Topaz

29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Well considering I can't drive...

30, What is your favorite number?
Right now, probably 27 and 44. They are very pretty when on at the same time.

31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
It's been a LONG while...

32, Any plans today?
Finish this thing, English homework, sleep

34, Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
The fact that there are only 24 hours in a day

35, Last song listened to?
Currently "Red and Black" from the Les Miserables Broadway Soundtrack

36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
I'm sure I could if someone pointed a gun at my face

37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
Nope

38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
1 Pair does me just fine thanks

39, Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes

40, Is anyone jealous of you?
I think so

41, Do you love anyone?
I wish I could say for sure

42, Do any of your friends have children?
Yep

43, What do you usually do during the day?
Tech, that's about it

44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Hate, no. Greatly dislike, yes.

45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Of course, who doesn't?

46, What color is your car?
Another invisible paint job!

47, Do you like cats?
Better be careful how I answer this one...yes?

49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope

50, How did you get your worst scar?
Disturbingly-sized scar free!

51, Last cigarette?
Never had one thanks

52, last CD played?
Don't listen to CD's persay, but last album was the Sweeney Todd movie soundtrack

53, last BUBBLE bath?
Oh my...that was a LONG time ago

54, last time you cried?
5 years ago

54, last meal?
Ice Cream and Raspberries?

55, have you ever dated someone twice?
No

56, have you ever kissed someone & regreted it?:
*Sigh* no

57, have you ever fallen in love?
But of course

58, you ever lost someone?
Indeed

59, have you ever slept until 1pm?:
I wish...

60, Have you ever been drunk and threw up ?
Nope

61, list FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to –
Melissa, Alex, Lauren, Jenna, Brennan

62, list THREE favorite colors/shades —
Dark Green, Black, Steel Blue

63, Laughed until you cried:
Not sure, maybe today?

64, Went behind your parents back:
Rarely, but yes

65, Your last kiss?
*Sigh* No Comment

66, Gay Marriage?
I *should* be against it, but I'm really of no opinion on the matter

67, Lowering the drinking age?
How about raising?

68, Straight, Gay, or Bi?
Straight

69, Who are the best huggers that you know?
Don't get enough hugs to know

70, Do you believe in love at first sight?
Lately, I'm thinking so

71. Is there something you want to tell someone?
Yes, but I can't because of other things I've said, and suddenly it's all getting too complicated...gah

72, What brand of shirt are you wearing?
Old Navy

73, Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
No Comment

74, How many kids do you want to have?
Haven't given it much thought. Two perhaps?

75, Do you want to change your name?
I'm quite happy with it actually

76, Last time you saw your father?
Like I said, about 2 days ago

77, What time did you wake up today?
Well, first time was 3:15AM, then I actually woke up at 6:25AM

76, how old are you?
17

79, What were you doing at midnight last night:
Tossing and turning in bed trying to fall asleep

80, What is your favorite thing in your room?
This laptop

81, Where is your best friend right now?
One is surfing the internet in their room, the other is either in bed or doing chem homework.

Grief

Grief has limits, whereas apprehension has none. For we grieve only for what we know has happened, but we fear all that possibly may happen.

Complaining

Sorry, I guess I've been complaining a lot more than usual lately. It seems that since I'm so tired from all my tech that it leaks into every other facet of my life and taints it.

But really, truly, I am happy.

But I can't for the life of me figure out what anyone wants. Myself included. I'm confused about everything and everyone. And truly, I'm not happy with who I am. Or maybe I'm just not happy with my outward appearance? I need to be happy. What is it that's going to make me truly happy again? Will it come on a plane? Is it already here? Have I been blind?

I wish I knew these things.

Schizophrenia

Have I blogged about this before? I'm too lazy to go back and check...

We're watching "A beautiful mind" in psychology, and the main character suffers from schizophrenia. And honestly, watching psychology movies is really starting to get to me...

I mean, as soon as I walked out of the class, I went right to the drama room, and started working like crazy on an outline of when all the musical theatre rehearsals are so that my techies can know when they'd need to come in. And I swear, I really think my mind started to act like it thinks a schizophrenic would. I can't describe what that was like, but it just felt weird and cheap. I don't get it.


And then of course comes the matter of hat to do with my life. So many paths to choose from, and I just can't figure out which one would be best for me. I'm really starting to worry about if everything I had previously hoped to find in her may in fact be an illusion; that she has somehow changed her mind, and now I'm only chasing her shadow. I look for meaning in all the wrong places -messages, statuses, comments, pictures...it's stupid, but it's all I have. If I'm paranoid, I have something to believe in.

And sure, there are plenty of other relationships I could pursue, but I just don't know which ones are open to that and which ones aren't. Another Shakespeare analog; we're still reading "King Lear", and at one point, one of the men says, "It is better to be openly despised than to be given the impression of being liked while still being despised." And really, it's the same thing in this situation. I would rather just know 100% for sure who likes me and who hates me, and I could move on so much easier with that in mind. But people today just aren't like that, are they?

Gah, and now I feel like I'm falling away from one of my very best friends. What is happening to cause all this? We haven't 'talked' for nearly a week now, and it's really starting to bug me. Curse you musical theatre shows! You have ruined my social life!
I couldn't bear to lose you A, you need to know that. Can't you just tell me what's going on? Is there nothing I can do to help? Why aren't we talking right now?

And then of course there's you, probably the only thing that's actually keeping me somewhat sane at this point...what would I do without you? Thanks for so much today, I really owe you huge right now. It means a lot :)

*sigh*
I actually feel like I could sleep right through the night right now, and everything would be great! But no, I still have a whole scene of King Lear to read, plus studying for a math quiz and e-mails and programming and paperwork and blah blah blah...I need a life...


If I'm paranoid, at least I have something to believe in...

Drunk 16

I am completely and utterly disgusted.

I was looking at pictures on facebook, and came across an album from a "Sweet Sixteen <3" party. First photo in the album: "Look how much alcohol we're allowed to have!" I just find is so gross. You're sixteen, and suddenly you've got 2 bottles of vodka, plenty more that I don't even recognize, about 50 plastic shot glasses? I'm sorry, but I just totally lost all respect for everyone one of the grade 11's who attended that party. I mean really, this is why teenagers get a bad rap from the older generation. A number of people our age go and get totally wasted, post numerous (and might I add, of very poor quality) pictures of their exploits for all the world to comment on, and that's what the world sees. I just don't understand this culture that I'm living in.

Mumble

Bleah, soooo bored.

Tonight was good, and then it crapped.

Went to my grandparents house for some pizza, then watched Wall-E (pretty good movie, but I think I've seen better). Of course, then I decide that I'm going to drive home, and my dad sits in the passenger seat.

Gah.

I just can't stand having him telling me to do things constantly. "Turn on your headlights" (which were already on). There's just something about him sitting there beside me that makes me so...grr.

Anyways, enough of that, we should both get some sleep methinks.

Wait!

I still have to program Voulez Vous!

Sleep can wait :P

Diganosis

You know what's funny?

Lately in psychology we've been studying abnormal psychology, things like multiple personality disorder. And one thing I've noticed is that I am starting to somewhat convince myself that I have these disorders.

Now, that could be called hypochondria, though not quite as severe.

However, I found a much closer diagnosis. "Medical Students' Disease".

And isn't that ironic? That I'm diagnosing myself with a condition whose symptoms are incorrect diagnosis?


I really am going insane...

I can't believe this

It always seems to come to this. To the point where I'm lying awake in
bed trying to figure you out. And all I do is make things worse.

I know you like someone. I know that no one has told me who yet. I
just need closure. I need to eliminate all the open-ended routes in my
life so that I can just be happy with where I am. I honestly hate
asking, because I feel self centered, and that I'm forcing myself on
others.

I have no definite proof to guide me, just a whole lot of annoying
clues that may or may not in fact be clues.

As a group, we've discussed things such as understanding of the sexes,
and which should ask the other out. Personally, in this case (if there
is a case at all), I think the female should initiate things.

Blah blah blah, I'm really not getting anywhere. Someone clarify this
for me. Please.

.: iPod :.

?

Am I an idiot to think that there could be anyone out there that likes me as more than a friend?
Am I insane to think that you think about me?
Am I stupid to even think about you?
Am I intrusive if I want to know if you're talking about me?
Am I annoying if I am who I am?
Am I doing this to you?
Am I missing every clue that has passed my way?
Am I the usual me?

I don't know who you're talking about.
I don't know your intentions.
I don't know who you like.
I don't know what you think.
I don't know if I should like you.
I don't know if this is just a silly thought.
I don't know if I should ask.
I don't know what to say.

I've promised to be a friend.
I've promised to love.
I've promised to visit.
I've promised to be true.

I've failed in being kind.
I've failed at keeping your trust.
I've failed you.
I've failed myself.

I think about you more and more.
I think about you when you sign in.
I think about you when I see you.
I think about you.

The more I think about it, the more I believe it.
The more I think about it, the more scared I become.
The more I think about it, the more I see wrong with it.
The more I think about it, the more I think of you.

I could be wrong.
I could be right.
I could be your friend.
I could be your lover.
I could smile as I do.
I could smile more.
I could be confused.
I could share it with you.
I could be stressed.
I could relax.
I could be content.
I could be happy.
I could be silent.
I could ask.
I could be wrong.

I could be right.